Eileen Lichtenstein went from owning a dance studio to becoming an educator and then evolved it into a speaking business. She saw how important her work was in educating students and working with clients. This especially became evident right after 9-11. 

As an educator, Eileen Lichtenstein knew the importance of knowing her material. Knowing more than she needed to know to be able to present the information with confidence. As she began speaking, she realized that it just wasn’t the material you knew but also that putting yourself in the right frame of mind and body could be really helpful as well. She began practicing breathing and relaxation before getting in front of a group of people. This allowed her to make an impact and do the important work with her speaking business. 

What other lessons did Eileen Lichtenstein share? 

• Resilience it about being flexible
• Humor is very important when delivering valuable information
• You make a difference one person at a time
• Never underestimate the value of a business coach, and a decent webmaster, you can trust
• Listen to your intuition – it’s usually correct

If you have trouble viewing the video, check it out on YouTube. Be sure to subscribe to our YouTube Channel and get notified when new shows are added. 

Who is Eileen Lichtenstein?

You can with Eileen Lichtenstein on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter and Pinterest, and of course on her blog andwebsite Balance & Power, Inc.

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Below is the full transcript from the show with Eileen Lichtenstein. Please note that there may be some errors as it was auto transcribed using Otter.ai. (referral link that provides us with a 1-month Premium Pass

Tim McDonald 0:01
All right. Well welcome everybody to the business of speaking show. I am your host, Tim McDonald. And today I am joined by somebody I just recently met through a networking group that obviously we’re doing in 2020: virtually. Eileen, how are you doing?

Eileen Lichtenstein 0:18
Great. Thanks so much, Tim, for having me on your show.

Tim McDonald 0:22
No, it’s wonderful to have you and I can’t wait to dive into more your story. And to let everybody know who’s watching. This is really a show for people that are interested in getting involved in speaking, or in the very early stages of their speaking career. Although as 2020 and COVID has taught us, no matter what we thought we had planned out and knew the world can always throw us a curveball. So regardless of where you are on the journey, I would not say don’t listen. But it’s really geared towards those who are just starting. And I’m thinking about getting started in speaking. So with that being said, I would love to jump in. Because we don’t really focused on the story of what you talk about onstage, we talk about the the journey to the stage and how you kind of evolve from there. But I mean, what I’d really like to start with before we kind of dive into that is tell us a little bit about what you do now what what you know, what your accomplishments have been, um, so that then we can go back to where the early days of where you started.

Eileen Lichtenstein 1:26
I’ll be happy to Tim. So let me hold up my workbooks slash success stories and strategies. And these words are so key words now with the pandemic and everything. And I wrote this about 10 years ago. And it’s still an again, more relevant than ever. So resilience is more than bouncing back. It’s about being flexible in spirit, and emotionally flexible in your prioritizing whatever you make, we may do. It’s about being flexible. So succeed, overcome obstacles, achieve your goals and reduce stress and anger. I am a certified anger management specialist now. And that is a benefit that has been a journey to become that and I’m also an EFT, tapping Emotional Freedom Technique tapping practitioner, and I teach that as well with clients.

Tim McDonald 2:40
Wow, I haven’t even heard of that before. Now I explained it. I don’t know exactly. But you kind of gave me the hint that it’s like

Eileen Lichtenstein 2:51
what it does, if I made is, I hear the client’s story as a coach with active listening. And then I kind of plug it in to talking about their their story while we tap on certain acupuncture points. That releases lets go of cortisol in a very negative hormone. I’m bringing to positive hormone up to the section of the brain that deals with feelings. I’ve had miraculous successes with clients and for myself as well.

Tim McDonald 3:33
Well, I think you and I might have a whole new conversation to talk about, but let’s not focus on that today. But I love I love that and it sounds so fascinating to me, and I’m curious to learn more about it. But um, you know, so, you know, having the book, you know, becoming the, you know, certified in, you know, anger management therapy. I’m getting a chance to speak with people to, you know, get out in front of people. How did you start in all this?

Eileen Lichtenstein 4:02
Well, I was, um, I have always been an educator and my adult education and educating experience was with adult students at Hofstra University in Long Island and also Medgar Evers college, part of the CUNY system. And for mega Labradors, I was in the business department teaching soft skills, and they would send me out to teach it to employees of city agencies. And when you’re speaking to a roomful of adults to work for a city agency that is a really good base to start a speaking career from

Tim McDonald 4:57
what you bring up something pretty Interesting, which is getting up in front of a room of adult students. Right? And I know most people don’t think of that as speaking. But do you remember the first day you were in class?

Eileen Lichtenstein 5:13
What do you mean, as a student?

Tim McDonald 5:15
No, like, as a teacher of these,

Eileen Lichtenstein 5:18
I was so nervous, always the first day of class, because I remember actually, when I was in college, a long time ago, and master’s degree, and it was always and we were all the students for always judging the professor, the new teacher, I had to make the grade kind of thing. So anything that that anyone is a bit fearful about, let me just interject here that tapping can get rid of.

Tim McDonald 6:03
I’ve done a lot of research and talk about fear. So I’m fully aware that so how did you you know, but back then you probably weren’t doing that. Right. So how did you? How did you deal with that? And how did you kind of, you know, what did? What were the feelings that you were going through? And how did you process that? To gain your confidence while you were in that situation?

Eileen Lichtenstein 6:23
Yes, um, I had to be so fully prepared, overly prepared with the material, that no matter what question would come up, or if I had the wrong overhead, in my hand for what I was saying, or whatever could possibly happen. I would be okay with it. Because I knew my material inside and out. That was the main thing for me.

Tim McDonald 6:53
Well, that I think that’s very helpful. And, and I think that, you know, one thing that I, you know, I’ve found is the same thing, it’s like, when you’re talking about something that, you know, it’s a lot easier than getting up and talking about something you know, nothing about?

Eileen Lichtenstein 7:10
Oh, yes. And also, I have learned early on that relaxation, breathing before, going in front of the group, just putting yourself in the right frame of mind and body could be really helpful as well. So I was always doing that before.

Tim McDonald 7:29
Well, that’s great. And, you know, so you mentioned that being in front of these students that the college would actually send you out in front of some of the city agencies and work with their people. Um, was it a different feeling for you? When you took yourself out of the classroom, even though you were nervous when you first started a new class? Because this is like every agency that you got in front of was a new group, right? And so yes, how did you deal with that?

Eileen Lichtenstein 7:56
Well, as I just said, just being totally prepared and and being sure that I did some relaxation for myself before I was in front of the group kind of backstage so to speak, you know, behind the scenes, I knew that that would help me no matter what I I messed up with possibly.

Tim McDonald 8:21
Um, so you know, you working for the college, you’re getting an opportunity to not only be in the classroom, but also in front of these city agencies. Tell us about like how your path kind of evolved from there to you know, and I’d love to just sit and listen.

Eileen Lichtenstein 8:40
Okay, so I was at Hofstra also teaching. I was in the health and phys ed department there. And I was teaching stress management from that department, not the not the School of Psychology class but from the health and phys ed class. And the students were so dressed all the time. That almost whatever I said they were all ears show they love the subject. Also I taught yoga there and I was kind of on the floor in the in the gym. I at the time, I had a certification and fitness, and very way back, I owned a dance and exercise studio.

Tim McDonald 9:33
Wow.

Eileen Lichtenstein 9:36
All all of this kind of came together at Hofstra in the health and phys ed department. So I was with students during it teaching yoga. Yeah, I was at Hofstra. My last semester, there was the semester that 911 occurred. And I saw miracles on the mat. in teaching yoga. This the students who attended as, as you may imagine, were so stressed out, and some of them actually had, you know, people in their family and friends that were very affected, that were personally affected. So I was really providing a service that they needed. Even though I wasn’t speaking that much, I was giving guided meditations and, and teaching yoga poses in a yoga class. But oh, my goodness, it was I felt so important. I was doing such important work for the students. And that helped to build my confidence in the field.

Tim McDonald 11:16
Was it the impact that you saw you had on the students that gave you that confidence?

Eileen Lichtenstein 11:22
Yes.

Tim McDonald 11:25
And and how did that make you feel? I mean, how I mean, because I can only imagine I didn’t live in New York at the time. But having lived there and talking with people that I was friends with, I know, you know, no matter where we are in the US, I think it affected us all, but living in the New York City area, it was unlike anything that you can imagine.

Eileen Lichtenstein 11:45
Yes, it was, and anyone who attended the school who actually got their bodies there who had been affected. It was amazing to me that they were even in class, but somehow they got there. So I made it worth their while. And I felt very, um, like I said, contributor to their well being.

Tim McDonald 12:12
And so, yeah, I’m guessing that, you know, it’s, it sounds like, it wasn’t something that you consciously planned out to do. It was just something that you reacted to knowing that it was kind of the right thing. Yes, exactly. And how did that? How did that kind of move you to, you know, getting out on your own and not working for the university?

Eileen Lichtenstein 12:37
Well, that kind of evolved, because, um, to do internal changes in the university, I was down to teaching one course, and I decided I wasn’t going to take my time of the week to do that. So I’ve got a different kind of position at that time.

Tim McDonald 13:00
And so how did that kind of mean, so it was a, it was kind of a choice of yours, but it wasn’t fully what you necessarily would have chosen If it was up to you.

Eileen Lichtenstein 13:09
That’s right. That’s right. And while I was still there, I created a graduate course in that department, I, all my students were either in that course where phys ed majors, or they were going for physical therapy.

Tim McDonald 13:27
So it’s something that you are passionate about that you were you were able to help them and get them out in the world doing what you love doing.

Eileen Lichtenstein 13:34
I felt I was doing very important work that they were, they knew it was a required course for these majors. And, and we were really working together to to give them a good experience, myself and the students when I when I’m saying we

Tim McDonald 13:56
now when you still talk with people, and you, you know, you’re getting in front of people, do you still have that presence of we? Or do you ever feel like it’s you talking to several or many, you know,

Eileen Lichtenstein 14:09
it just depends, okay, it depends on the group. It depends on the venue these days, it’s all online with the pandemic. So that’s very different from me, a different kind of feeling than talking to a group where I can feel the energy in the room and see their expressions and so on. And way, way back, when I started with the speaking, I gave some trainings at the for the New York Times, in an open, like open a group for employees in the auditorium. I’m just thinking back I haven’t thought about that in a long time. That was really amazing. Amazing, just being there with all these employees of the New York Times, and then following that, because it went so well, I was hired by their sales department to give a training. And it was all about it was it was almost the same thing I’m doing now is like less stress for greater productivity and focus.

Tim McDonald 15:28
So is that one of your first major, you know, speaking things? Was it then your times? Yeah. And how did that come about? For you?

Eileen Lichtenstein 15:35
How did that happen? I’m, I’m not sure. I think I sent out a lot of cover letters, talking about my college experiences, kind of a resume, you know, but in in paragraphs that a list and they picked it up the I sent back to human resources to EAP, which is employees assistant programs, I sent to quite a few big businesses in the metro New York metropolitan area.

Tim McDonald 16:15
And so how many do you think you sent it to before you had the New York Times? Say, we want you Eileen?

Unknown Speaker 16:21
I really don’t know. But it seemed like I was always working at it.

Tim McDonald 16:27
So it wasn’t the first one you said?

Eileen Lichtenstein 16:33
Wait, let me just say, there are two key words here. persistence and perseverance for anyone who’s starting on a new endeavor, whether it be speaking or or starting a new business, or being a new employee and another business, whatever it is, it often takes incredible persistence and perseverance to get through those beginning times.

Tim McDonald 17:06
I think that’s so wise for and I love that you phrased it for anybody, not just people looking to get into speaking. But so after you got that one, and you said you got other ones from other people, or even within the same company? How did that kind of grow? And how did you? Did you continue having to send those out? Was it all referral? What did you Was there anything that you were doing or finding that work for you, that really helped you continue to get more of these bookings, to get you know, in front of people and get paid to speak

Eileen Lichtenstein 17:44
early on, I had a business coach. And she and I became good professional, colleagues, friends. And we, she and I had an online business at the beginning of online businesses that no longer exist, and none of them want to sit in the middle of it. And she and I created an amazingly fantastic radio shop, on blog talk radio, which was extremely popular them. And she had a fantastic webmaster at the beginning of all that. And I hired him. He’s still my webmaster Now, over 10 years.

Tim McDonald 18:35
And so that relationship and that experience, what did that kind of teach you? And how did you see it help your business?

Eileen Lichtenstein 18:45
Well, I, it helped me to understand that anyone listening, who was really listening, whether it be the students, or the New York Times, participants, are the people listening to our radio show, if they were truly listening, then it was important for me and whomever I was doing it with, to give really important well thought out information and, and have a great sense of humor. Very, very important.

Tim McDonald 19:21
Well, I remember talking to somebody and you’re, you’re reminding me of this, it’s he said, he was a little hesitant about posting even just on LinkedIn, that’s the only social network he was on. And he goes, Well, what if nobody reads it? And I said, Do you know that there’s 1% of the people that truly helped contribute to what you put out there? There’s 9% that might engage with you like like it, you know, give you a comment. And then there’s 90% that will just see it, and never even tell you. And imagine if you made a difference in one person’s life with what you shared.

Eileen Lichtenstein 19:54
That’s how I’ve always felt one person at a time making a difference. I felt that As a college professor, and when I was began the speaking engagements and on the radio show, which was all part of that time.

Tim McDonald 20:11
Wow. And so, as the internet evolved, and as you know, social media evolved, you know, I’m sure you weren’t having to actually send or, you know, I’m not sure how you were sending them, we didn’t even talk about that, whether it was, you know, running them over or faxing them over, because that was one of my first jobs selling fax machines, when nobody wanted them, because they couldn’t afford them or didn’t think they were worth anything. And now, you know, it would be the same challenge today trying to sell. But you know, how is how is that kind of all evolved from you, you know, for you? And how is how have you seen it kind of help your business? Or has it been in that way?

Eileen Lichtenstein 20:51
Yes, thank you, it’s been extremely helpful to my business, for Google to have me on their first page on several topics. And sometimes now, people simply look up, um, for instance, anger management specialist, Nassau County, and there I am. And my website has been upgraded as needed. Same with webmasters I mentioned, and he does a fantastic job with the search engine optimization. And yes, I’m on some social media, not everything. And I like it. I like what the social media that a month.

Tim McDonald 21:41
And I’m guessing that you, the minute you put up your website, you probably weren’t on page one of Google for all these things. Which brings us back to those two keys. Right.

Eileen Lichtenstein 21:52
Exactly. Exactly. And also facing my webmaster making the right choices.

Tim McDonald 22:02
Well, you bring up something interesting, you know, which is another thing that I think, you know, a lot of people getting started is they see successful people that are, you know, doing speaking as part of their business. And, you know, you bring up that you have somebody on your team, that’s a webmaster right. And other people might have PR, you know, or VA as virtual assistants. You know, so, you know, when did you know and realize that you needed to hire somebody else? And how comfortable do you feel when you bring somebody in and release a little bit of control to them?

Eileen Lichtenstein 22:37
Well, um, as I think I mentioned, I, I had a really good recommendation for this person, because I was in venues with this other woman that he was a webmaster for. So I had kind of a preview, so to speak, of his of his work and her recommendations. So that was a good start for me,

Tim McDonald 23:05
and how did you know that it was time for you to make that hire?

Eileen Lichtenstein 23:10
Because she was also my business coach. And I I agree that it couldn’t be the time and if it wasn’t, then, you know, I could stop doing some things.

Tim McDonald 23:25
I, you know, it’s it’s one of my more recent guest, you know, Dr. G, Dr. G. She brought up that she went to art school for theater, and inner undergrad, and then worked in that field for six years, and then became went to medical school and became a doctor. And she told me something pretty interesting that when you’re in art school, they always tell you, it’s about the art, never about business. And when you’re in medical school, they tell you, it’s always about the science and never about the business. It sounds like you made the decision to get hooked up with a business coach, early on when you started.

Eileen Lichtenstein 24:04
Yes. And when I went through my coaching life, life and career coaching training, it was always recommended to do that. So it wasn’t simply an original idea to do that. You know, part of my coursework said it’s really good to have a business coach.

Tim McDonald 24:32
Well, I think that’s so important because, you know, people see speakers and they don’t realize that there’s these other people that are either be working behind the scenes for those speakers, or have been with them for some part of their journey to the stage.

Eileen Lichtenstein 24:47
And then later in my career, I coach clients to do public speaking. It was it wasn’t like officially what I did, but they were friends. Since a life coaching client and or a career coaching client, and would say, Oh my goodness, I’m, I have to give this presentation in a week and I’m so nervous and I don’t know what to do. And I would help them to do it not by being there physically. But with that I had just learned about that tapping, and it totally helps overcome fear of public speaking.

Tim McDonald 25:31
Oh, that’s great. And so, as we kind of wrap up, um, if you were to go back not to when you were in the, you know, teaching in the schools, but once you started your own business, knowing what you know, now, what is the one piece of advice that you would give yourself that you know, now that you didn’t know that?

Eileen Lichtenstein 25:53
Well, I think I know it because that maybe because I’m older and wiser is listen to your intuition, because it’s usually correct.

Tim McDonald 26:08
I love it. Well, thank you so much. I lean in and tell people how they can get in touch with you and find more about you.

Eileen Lichtenstein 26:18
Yes, my website is balanced VA Li n C, E, and n d power, pow er.com. And my phone number 516-623-4353. That is a landline. So please don’t be shy and leave me a message. And of course, you could go you could fill out a contact form on my website that way. And I hope to be Tuesday soon. Anyway,hey listeners I’m talking to now.

Tim McDonald 26:55
Well, thank you so much, Eileen. And thank everybody for joining us. And I forgot to tell Eileen this before we went on air. But one thing that I love doing is ending the YouTube broadcast. But keeping Eileen on for a few more minutes. And I’m going to ask her one additional question. And that content will only be available to our email subscribers. So if you head over to speaking dot business, and just sign up for our free weekly email newsletter, you will get on the exclusive content that we record after we stopped the YouTube broadcast. So thank you.

 

Other insights in this episode of The Business of Speaking:

• Take clues from experiences you’ve had and build on them. Dr. G was able to use her knowledge of American Sign Language that she had from theatre and have it help with patients. This got other doctors wanting to learn from her and got her speaking as she was in residency. 
• Our brains want detailed advice from those we know and trust, but big ideas come better from someone we don’t know. 
• Never accept a “No” from someone who doesn’t have the power to give you a “Yes.”
• The one thing they don’t teach you in medical school, or theater, is business. Learn how to apply one idea from things your hear and read into your speaking business. 
• When you feel like you’re not landing with your audience, try asking a question. See if it gives you something to make it better than it would have been if you just kept going.
• The first person you should add to your team as a speaker is not marketing, PR or a VA, but someone who negotiates on your behalf. 

If you have trouble viewing the video, check it out on YouTube. Be sure to subscribe to our YouTube Channel and get notified when new shows are added. 

Who is Dr. Deborah Gilboa?

We have been told to “reduce stress” and “avoid stress” so much that experiencing stress feels like its own failure. Deborah Gilboa, MD, aka Dr. G, is a parenting and resilience expert who works with families, organizations, and businesses to identify the mindset and strategies to turn stress to an advantage and create resilience through personal accountability and a completely different approach to adversity..
Renowned for her contagious humor, Dr. G inspires audiences with her illuminating stories and provides no-nonsense prescriptions for character development. She works with groups, businesses, and causes, across multiple generations, to rewire their cultures towards a common objective.

Dr. G is a board certified attending family physician at Pittsburgh’s Squirrel Hill Health Center, caring for diverse patients from 100+ countries who speak 61 different languages. Her fluency in American Sign Language and her work with the Deaf community has received national recognition and was the focus of her service as an Albert Schweitzer Fellow.

A graduate of University of Pittsburgh’s School of Medicine, Carnegie Mellon University, and as an alumna of Chicago’s Second City Improv Theater, Dr. G’s diverse background and experiences add to her credibility and lively storytelling.
She is also a Clinical Associate Professor for the University of Pittsburgh School Of Medicine and has received many awards for clinical excellence in teaching, including the Alpha Omega Alpha Volunteer Clinical Faculty Award.

Dr. G is a leading media personality seen regularly on TODAY, Good Morning America and is the Resilience Expert for The Doctors. She is also a contributor to Washington Post, The New Times, Huffington Post, and countless other digital and print outlets.

Dr. G resides in Pittsburgh with her four boys.
For more information: www.askdoctorg.com

You can connect with Debi on Instagram, LinkedIn, Twitter and Facebook, and of course on her website, AskDrG.com. 

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Below is the full transcript from the show. Please note that there may be some errors as it was auto transcribed using Otter.ai. (referral link that provides us with a 1-month Premium Pass

Tim McDonald
All right. Well welcome everybody to the business of speaking show. I am your host, Tim McDonald, and today I am joined by Dr. G. How you doing, Debi?

Deborah Gilboa, MD
I’m doing very well. I’m so glad to be here. Oh, no, it’s exciting.

Tim McDonald
I remember we first connected through speak aid 2020 that Dan Pontefract but on and so it’s great to be connected with you and have you as a guest here today. And for those who maybe just tuning in for the first time are watching the business is speaking show really doesn’t focus on what the speakers talk about on the stage. It’s about their journey on how they got to the stage and what they’ve learned since they’ve been on the stage as far as how speaking has turned into a business for them. And so with that being said, if you are thinking about getting started in speaking if you are just starting in speaking, or as 2020 has taught us, no matter how seasoned we are, as speakers, you never know what you have to prepare for. So there’s always something that all of us can learn. But mainly we’re focused on those people in the early stages, or just getting started in speaking and so with that, Dr. G, why don’t you share your story of how you got started speaking.

Deborah Gilboa, MD
So I went to undergrad for theater. And when I finished that experience, I went out and I worked in professional theater as a performer and as a stage manager, and I did that for about six years. And then at some point, I decided this was fun, but I wanted to do something entirely different. And I applied to medical school. And one of the reasons that I mentioned my theater background is because when I got to medical school, I discovered two things. One, most physicians are not great speakers. So we would have lectures 150 people and a professor would get up in front and for us senseless and make really even interesting information seem painful and dreadful very quickly. And the other thing I discovered is that whenever we had small groups or opportunities to present something to the class, I was about the only person who wanted to you know, I come In this world, where people would throw their grandmother under a bus to speak in front of 10 people, and here it was in a world where people would rather have a root canal than get up in front of 150 people. And so those two experiences sort of coalesced for me into a larger worldview, where public speaking is not something everyone enjoys or does decently. And then I just finished medical school, I went to residency, I had a particular interest in residency because my life in theater had partially been in the world of Deaf theater. I picked up American Sign Language, and then I trained as an interpreter. So I had this other gig that informed my work as a doctor i was i was the doctor for a bunch of Deaf and Hard of Hearing folks. And that’s something that not a lot of doctors knew how to handle. So people would ask me to come and speak. And again, I discovered that it was a pretty low bar, or coherent at all entertaining public speaking in the medical world. So when I finished residency and I came back to my home area, I got hired at a new health center, meaning brand new the day we opened our doors. And so we had this opportunity, but also this challenge to let people know that we existed as a health center. The CEO of our health center said to me, Well, you don’t have that many patients yet, would you go out and give talks in the community? And so I did, you know, I would get invited to come and speak about high blood pressure and why you should take care of it or smoking and why it was bad. I mean, basically, these were like 40 minute public service announcements, and I thought I would be really bored sitting through a 40 minute public service announcement. So I started to dive into material and understand better how to talk to people. And what I discovered, then was that this was a great way to reach groups of people and get them to just see something that they already felt pretty expert in their own health and see it a little differently. So here I was in a position where I was speaking. And afterwards people would say, Oh, hey, I really enjoyed that. Is there someplace that I can read more about your work or see you speak again? And I would say, Make an appointment, which is not really the answer that they were looking for or that I meant the gift. So that led me to the stage and reminded me that just because I had decided not to work professionally in theater, didn’t mean I had to give up that relationship, that medium for distributing information. And then I had a couple of formative experiences in my medical practice where I realized what it was I want it to be talking about. So that experience of getting back to the stage and then realizing the message that I really wanted to be out there speaking about coalesce to the great time.

Tim McDonald
Yeah, and so and I know I, I kind of prefaced an intro of the show by saying we don’t talk about what you talk about on the stage. But I think this is so important for somebody getting involved in speaking to understand is how did you kind of know that this is what you needed to be focusing on and sharing with your your audiences?

Deborah Gilboa, MD
The thing that I’ve always really loved about the power of speaking is not just, you know, there’s one of you and you get to reach a lot of people. It’s Can you help people start to see something differently? There’s some research that shows that, you know, Tim, if you wanted advice about where I got my car detailed, you know, you’re my neighbor, my car always looks really nice. This is, by the way, not at all true. It’s just an example. My car always looks really nice. And you’re like, oh, there’s somebody doing a good job. I wonder if she’s spending a lot of money on that or what it is, you would ask me for my, for my suggestion for you, you would want my advice about where to go for that because you know, me and you trust me. And that’s how our brains work. If we want detailed advice about something really specific. We only want to go to someone we already trust, but for our brains to accepting new big idea that we think we already understand and are knowledgeable about we have to hear about that someone we don’t know that our brain pathways, our neural pathways actually open differently. When we’re hearing something from someone who is a stranger to us, we can know their reputation. That’s okay. We can have heard of them, but we can’t know them. So for people who are just starting out there, and they might have tried, you know, people say, well go to people, you know, and see if your people at your kids school or at your church or at your Lions Club want you to speak there. Those never go very well. Because those people feel that they already know you. And so their brains don’t give you an opportunity to teach them about a topic they already feel knowledgeable about. That idea of how do you take something that makes you see something fundamentally differently even if it just turns the lens 13 degrees? That’s always been to me the real magic of that stage two audience relationship. So I had a moment in my work. That was really reinforced again and again and again because I don’t do subtlety well, so I had to learn this lesson a bunch of times. And that lesson was helping me see something about people’s sense of well being and health and success in life slightly differently. And then I realized this is it, this is something I want to research more about and lend my credibility to and gain more credibility in and get out there. And really magnify.

Tim McDonald
Hey, this is I just love hearing this. And you sharing this? Um, you know, I’m thinking it sounds like you had the, you know, the theater background to give you the kind of the confidence of being up on stage you had the medical or the people around.

Deborah Gilboa, MD
Yeah.

Tim McDonald
And the medical training of understanding what you were talking about the subject matter of what you’re talking about, what I’m kind of curious about, was there something about when you really focused on becoming a speaker and not just a doctor?

Deborah Gilboa, MD
Right. I mean, it’s it’s part and parcel. What other things did you have to learn that the theater and medical school didn’t teach you? business? Right medical school, by the way, anybody out there who thinks medical school teaches you the business of medicine is sadly mistaken. People go and get masters in that, or they hire people good at that. But it’s, it’s considered sort of, I don’t know, poisonous to be worried about dollars and cents and business relationships and HR, it shouldn’t be. But it’s not at all taught. And also similarly getting my bachelor’s in theater. It was about the art. It was not about and it is now but it was not at the time at all about spreadsheets and organizational charts and all that. So I had to figure out not only how I might set up a business, but how other businesses worked, so that I could even figure out who to talk to I heard this great business speech years ago where they said, never accept a no from someone who doesn’t have the power to give you a Yes. And I would love to pass that along to everyone who’s listening. never accept no as an answer from someone in an organization who doesn’t have the power to say yes. Because then you’re not talking to the decision maker, you’re just talking to someone who wants to get you off their to do list. And that right there made me realize both something very valuable and also more about what I didn’t know. Because I didn’t, I was like, Well, how am I supposed to know if this person could say yes, and if they can’t, how am I supposed to figure out who could and how do I get to them and all of those things. And that’s been a lot of the learning that I’ve done in the last nine years.

Tim McDonald
And what resources have you found outside of that one, you know, one piece of advice that you got, what resources as far as organizations, books, people that have really helped you on this business aspect.

Deborah Gilboa, MD
Part of it is being a lateral thinker. Part of it is every podcast, every video, every radio story, news story that you hear magazine article that you pick up having that part of your brain that says, How could this help me be successful, open for business and applying that thing that you heard on a news story about a new lemonade stand, and figuring out what the lesson is there for you in your business relationships. And I think that I have a lot of these one liners that stuck out to me from a talk I went to or a thing I heard or a conversation I was involved in, you know, another one that really has helped me a lot in my business is knowing that every time you say yes to something, and my theater background, in improv, in particular, and improvisation means that I want to say yes to everything. There’s this ethic of Yes. And how else can we work together, and that’s often valuable to me. It led me to speak aid. It’s led me to a lot of the opportunities I had where someone said, here’s an opportunity You want it? And I say, Yeah, absolutely. But remembering that every time you say yes to something, you’re saying no to something else, and making sure that your yeses match your priorities. That’s been really important for me. Because when I say yes to something, sometimes what I’m saying no to is just, you know, sleep, or exercise or watching Netflix with my kids. But if health is one of my priorities than sleep, maybe I shouldn’t say no to it all the time. And if my family is one of my priorities, then Netflix with my kids isn’t something I should say no to all the time to making sure that I recognize the cost of my yeses. And in a, in an authentic way. Nothing. Nothing is without some cost, just making sure that I pay attention to it. And that in general, my yeses, match my priorities. That’s been really helpful. So taking these one idea here, one idea there and recognizing that every zoom coffee you might have with someone Or porch the porch conversation or news story you listen to on the radio can be valuable. I can’t say that there’s one resource that I can point to that’s been a huge wealth of information. There are a few people and Dan Pontefract is one of them. And so is a guy named Michael Roderick, who has a great podcast called Access to Anyone. and a bunch of other resources as well. There are some people where I find wisdom there repeatedly. And so I’ll read that daily email like actually read it, not even just delete it, save it until I have a chance to read it, even though it comes every day. Because so often there’s something there that I can take away.

Tim McDonald
Now, that’s great. And I just love how small Our world is when you mentioned somebody else that we have in common. Michael Roderick. I knew him when I was in New York. So it was he’s just a wonderful connector and sharer of information and his network. So I’m just, you know, I’m really curious in your nine years, I think You said you’ve been speaking.

Deborah Gilboa, MD
Yeah, I joke all the time. I’m one year away from the 10 years necessary to become an overnight sensation.

Tim McDonald
What you know, has there been any times where you’ve been up on stage and just felt like you just didn’t deliver and you just missed your you screwed up or, you know, any types of failures that you felt along the way. And I’m kind of processing this because I kind of feel like you’re the person that doesn’t look at anything as a failure, that you can always learn from it and move on.

Deborah Gilboa, MD
There have been times, I would say, a dozen times at least where I’ve been on stage, and I wasn’t, you know, the feeling when you reach out to someone you’ve just met for a good handshake. Now, I understand this is very 2019 example, but go with me, that feeling of reaching out for a good handshake and they clap your hand, and it feels soft. You know, you don’t know where the relationship is going. But that handshake went well. Well, I think a lot of speakers can understand the feeling of standing in front of a group, whether it’s hands or in person feeling the handshake go? Well, you don’t know if they’re gonna take the information that you’re giving and use it or what they’ll think about you afterwards but you know, you reach they reached out back in you connected? Well, I’ve certainly had the experience on stage at least a dozen times of knowing that I missed their hand, or we scratched each other I got a weak grasp or something like it was not solidly connecting. And at earlier in my career, I would just, I would just keep muddling powering through however you want to put it and get off stage going like, won’t want one. Didn’t it didn’t go. And one of the things that I learned to do is the same thing that I do in the office when I’m seeing a patient. And I can tell that our conversation or communication is not landing, that either not asking the right questions with the suggestions I’m giving don’t make sense or the diagnosis that I’m leaning towards. doesn’t come true for this person, I have learned to say, Hey, I feel like this isn’t landing well for you. What could I be hearing or saying or doing better that would help you? And then I wait for an answer. And I realized I could do that same thing on stage. I could say, hey, this isn’t landing well. Or I feel like, you know, I so appreciate the attention everyone’s giving me. I feel like I’m not really connecting with you tonight. Does anybody have any suggestions for me in ways that would make our time the rest of our time together? Go more fruitfully. And one time in particular, someone stood up and took the audience microphone and said, you know, Dr. G, we just all as we were coming in, found out that there’s been a death in our community. And so, and she kind of teared up and sat back down. And I said, Excuse me, just one second, and I went I got a stool from off stage. And I sat down on the stool and mind you, I’m still what, eight feet above people physically. But I sat down and I said, so sorry for your loss. And I just sat there quietly for a minute. And then I said, it can feel so impossible to take that in. And I said, I don’t need to know who this person was. And I don’t need to know who they are to you or to your family, you know. And really, that’s what we’re here talking about tonight. Because what I talked about is resilience. We’re here talking about how you’re an expert in your experience. I’ve just got some strategies that you might try when you hit obstacles. And so I don’t think I you know, tried to profit off that loss in any way. I just tried to bring it as real moment. And so sometimes when you really feel like you’re not landing, if you can ask a question, get back what you need to make it better than it would have been if it had been going well in the first place. But I think that the most frustrating thing for me is to feel like it’s like a, you know, like a B plus. kind of experience for everybody, but you’re not really knocking it out of the park.

Tim McDonald
Well, thank you for sharing that. I think that’s a great, great story. And a great lesson that all of us can learn is actually reading our audience and understanding that,

Deborah Gilboa, MD
I should say, there’s a disclaimer, you can say that and then get just met with a really uncomfortable silence. And then I usually just say, Well, I’m sure that this uncomfortable silence has made it all much better. Let me try this in a different way. And then I just am what I’m doing. I say so instead of giving you the prepared remarks that I had, what I’d like to do right now is ask you to think of three words that and that’s where improv experience improvisation really does help.

Tim McDonald
Yes. Um, so, you know, I know you mentioned you still see patients and you do speak. Can you kind of share how those two things work? As far as the business model goes? Are they two separate things? Does one help the other do they both help each other? You’re entirely separate logistically. 

Deborah Gilboa, MD
I would say that for sure. In my bio and when people are thinking about bringing me in to speak, and I do a lot of media, that it is really helpful to people, they will sometimes say, you know, are you still practicing? And when I say yes, that gives them that gives them more of a sense of credibility, even though as it happens, my topic is not medical at all. But in general I, I see patient Sundays and Mondays and although I have called weeks that I’m on call him and I’m seeing patients in the hospital in general, I see patients in person Sundays and Mondays and I work on my business, you know, nine days a week around that.

Tim McDonald
Well, my final question to you is looking back on your almost 10 year, overnight success, if you could go back to when you started in the speaking business, is there one piece of advice that you would give your younger self that you know now that you didn’t know back then

Deborah Gilboa, MD
This is not me searching for one. This is me searching on among dozens for one that I think is most, most generalizable. I would say that if you are, if you are able to have anyone else on your team, anyone, but one person I would pick is not a marketing person. It’s not a PR person. It’s not even although it’s amazing, a wonderful VA. It is someone who will negotiate on your behalf. Because other people who believe in the work that you do, can ask for an amount of money, a schedule, a thing that you just couldn’t bring yourself to ask for for yourself. And along with that, that person isn’t as emotionally tied to your work as you are, and so they can see the value of speaking somewhere that you’ve never considered speaking, or bartering. One of the things I tell new speakers all the time is you should get compensated for your work, but it’s very beginning you may not get compensated much in money. So can this person offer you the physical you know, pictures and video professional pictures and video of the work that you do for them testimonials for the work that you do for them warm handoff introductions to other people who are decision makers in their field, not at their company they already brought you in, or their organization but in their field. So what how can you be compensated? Sometimes that’s a paycheck, but it doesn’t have to start off being a paycheck and having that other person to associate for you and ask for more things usually, then you’re willing to when you’re creating that new speaker to client relationship?

Tim McDonald
No, fantastic. Thank you so much for sharing that and being our guest today, Dr. G. And for those of you watching, if you haven’t seen one of these before, what happens is Oh, before I do this, I forgot to ask you this is me. My first screw up at the end of the show. But can you tell everybody how they can find you how they can get in touch with you if they’re interested in learning more about your work? Dr. G?

Deborah Gilboa, MD
Absolutely. Easiest way is through my website, it’s askdrg.com.

Tim McDonald
Well, thank you so much. And for those of you who are watching for the first time, what we do is we cut off the YouTube channel right now, but we are going to go and stay recording and I’m going to ask Dr. G one more question that is only going to be available exclusively to our email subscribers. So if you head over to speaking.business, and sign up for our weekly email list, you will be able to get exclusive content that will only be shared there. So thank you for watching and thank you again for joining us today.